Roll For Initiative
by LLawliet122
Summary: Grunkle Ford decides to poll the users of a Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons forum he frequents to see which edition of his beloved game they prefer. Unfortunately for Ford, the internet isn't the calm, reliable source of intellectual discourse and discussion he believes it to be. Takes place after Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons but before The Last Mabelcorn.
1. A Difference of Opinion

**FordEscape211**

 _Wind swept through the old castle through the open window, sending a chill down Scientior's spine. Of course, he knew that it was merely a physiological reaction to sudden external phenomena, but that didn't keep him from feeling any less cold. It was dead quiet, almost calm. Despite this, he knew that fate would not allow him a reprieve that easily._

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(Make a spot check.)_

 **FordEscape221**

 _(24.)_

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _As Scientior pondered the nature of…nature, a Skelebeast snuck up behind him and swiped him for 5 points of damage with his Bone Blade!_

 _(Sorry, dude. Had to make a check of 27 or higher thanks to its enhanced cover. Auto-damage, roll for initiative.)_

 **FordEscape221**

 _Blast it all! How did he not see this coming from a mile away? Scientior stumbled forward, wheeling around to face his attacker, GraviGun at the ready._

 _(12.)_

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(10. You go first.)_

 **FordEscape221**

 _Scientior fires his Dynamic Neutralizing Agent in an attempt to glue the Skelebeast's feet to the floor!_

 _(20 plus five with my natural bonus.)_

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(Skelebeasts neutralize natural bonuses, so…)_

 _The Agent just barely misses the Skelebeast's feet, and he retaliates-after hopping over the agent-by stabbing at Scientior with his blade!_

 _(17 plus three for close quarters combat. It gets past your AC, and you take three more points of damage.)_

 **FordEscape221**

 _(Now hold on a minute! Skelebeasts don't negate anything!)_

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(Yeah, they do. 5th Edition, Page 310. Right there in vivid color. Deal with it.)_

 **FordEscape221**

 _(But that doesn't make any sense! It never had that ability in 2nd edition!)_

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(That was 30 years ago, pal. Get with the times or get out of the thread.)_

* * *

"Get with the times?! I was playing Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons before you were even born, you little-"

"Grunkle Ford?"

Stanford Pines nearly leapt out of his chair. He looked behind it and saw his nephew, Dipper, poking his head into the underground lab that (for the most part) Ford called home. He breathed a sigh of relief as he waved to the boy.

"Dipper, come on in! Sorry about that; didn't mean to frighten you."

Dipper walked in, stopping at his great uncle's chair as the man wheeled around to face him. "Who're you talking to? What's going on?"

Ford waved his hand in a dismissive fashion. "It's nothing important. I was just having some lively debate about DD&MD with somebody-" he explained, punctuating it with a glare at his laptop, "-who doesn't seem to understand that 2nd edition rules trump all other kinds. You know the type."

Dipper looked over at Ford's laptop. It definitely wasn't any kind of high-tech marvel, but he and his sister Mabel had convinced their Grunkle Stan(ley) to help pitch in for a half-decent one so that Ford wouldn't have to consistently use Dipper's to do his research into the mysteries of the town of Gravity Falls.

If Grunkle Stan found out it was being used to play a tabletop game, he'd hurl it out the door (and probably Ford along with it).

"Grunkle Ford, I know it's easy to get mad about things on the internet," Dipper began, having had his fair share of internet conflicts over even the minutest of situations. "But it's not worth getting stressed out over things when you're playing a game just for fun."

Ford threw up his hands in exasperation. "Dipper, it's not that simple! All these rule changes, edits, additions-it's all extraneous! The 2nd edition is the perfect balance of difficult and open gameplay, and thirty years trapped in-between dimensions doesn't change that! Dimensions 1-247, at the least, all use that edition! Why can't one kid?"

Dipper raised an eyebrow. "How do you know it's a kid?"

"Trust me, Dipper," Ford replied, gesturing with his thumb to the screen. "Anyone with a name like "DeathEvilSong" has to be younger than 20 at least."

"Actually, it might be a reference to-"

Ford shook his head. "Dipper, I appreciate the concern, but you grew up on the newer editions. You wouldn't understand what it's like to have the whole game change on you. I liked that…what did you call it? 4.2 Edition? Now that one wasn't a bad game to return to. It was a bit gaudy for my tastes, but it kept most of the core elements intact from 2. But this new 5th edition? It just throws everything good about 4.2-heck, everything before it-right out the window!"

Dipper shook his head. Yeah, he loved DD&MD, and he was really happy to share the hobby with Ford. However, where Dipper was more casual about it, Ford was downright obsessed. That led to no small share of trouble a week or so back when the two of them were captured by Probabilator the Annoying, a character from the game, when Ford just wouldn't let it go when Stan and Mabel wanted to watch Ducktective's season finale. That whole mess was part of why Stan, who would normally guard his money like a dragon to his horde, pitched in on the laptop-the less paper flooding the house, the better.

"Grunkle Ford, I get all of that, but in the end, DD&MD is something people play for fun. Sometimes people find more fun in newer versions than older, and not just with this one. Play along with how…DeathEvilSong?" Dipper visibly cringed at actually reading the dungeon master's name aloud. It sounded even worse than it read. "Ok, maybe you had a point about his age. But if you signed on to play with him, you've gotta play by his rules, for better or for worse. It's not worth making a big deal out of it."

Ford sighed. He turned his chair back around to the laptop. "You know, Dipper, maybe you're right. Maybe I should just-"He paused, seeing a flashing notification at the bottom of the window. The thread had a new post. This was promising! Maybe Deputon the Lawful finally managed to get online, or Tobias the Determined. He clicked the notification, and scowled as he saw another message from DeathEvilSong.

 **DeathEvilSong**

 _(What's the matter, Scientior? You too butthurt to post after I shut you down?)_

Ford glared at his screen in utter fury. "I'll show you 'butthurt', you snot-nosed brat!"

"Wait, what?" Dipper tried to look at the screen again, but Ford's frame blocked the view as he clicked and typed rapidly. "Grunkle Ford, what happened?"

"It seems my dungeon master's getting a little too much hot air pumped into his head, so I'm going to do him a favor and deflate that ego of his." Ford's typing slowed to a stop, and he clicked the mouse one last time. He picked up the laptop and showed the screen to Dipper. "What do you think?"

Dipper looked over the screen, seeing a poll box and a small post underneath it:

 _"It has come to my attention that some of our members have a distinct lack of appreciation for the origins and beginnings of DD &MD, specifically the fact that the 2nd edition is the pinnacle of the entire franchise. I would like to do a simple test to see if I'm mistaken in my beliefs or not, and that test has but one question: Is the 5th edition of DD&MD better or worse than the 2nd edition? Place your votes into the poll box above."_

Dipper looked up at Ford, a hand on his hat in worry. "I'm not sure this is a good idea, Grunkle Ford. Forums like that are kind of volatile about this sort of thing. It's like asking if Space Fights is better than Space Flights. It's gonna get messy."

"Nonsense, Dipper!" Ford closed the laptop, patting it like one would a family pet's head. "For the most part, everyone on that forum seems very rational and very calm. I'm sure we'll just have some debating and eventually everyone coming to some kind of reasonable conclusion. Besides, it's just a poll! What's the worst that could happen?"

Dipper really didn't want to know the answer to that.


	2. Civil Discourse

Dipper walked out from behind the Mystery Shack's vending machine, carefully closing the door to Ford's lab in an attempt to keep as quiet as possible.

Which meant nothing when the least quiet person he knew was standing right behind him.

"Hi, Dipper!"

"Gah!" Dipper jumped up in surprise, his hat nearly falling off his head in the process as his sister nearly keeled over in laughter. "Mabel!"

In-between fits of laughter, Mabel managed to reply, "I'm sorry, Dipper, but you just looked so ridiculous trying to be all super-spy sneaky! It was too easy!"

"Shh!" Dipper ushered Mabel away from the vending machine, looking side to side. "I was trying to be quiet because I didn't want Grunkle Stan to find out-"

"That you've been hanging out with my brother again?" Dipper gulped as he heard Stan's gravelly voice from right behind the twins. "You know, I said you guys could hang out. You don't have to be super-spy sneaky about it."

Mabel burst into another fit of laughter as Dipper groaned in exasperation. "I know, Grunkle Stan, but you always seem so annoyed when I hang out with Ford!"

"That's just because you've been down in that lab near every single day!" Stan kneeled down to get to eye level with his nephew. "Look, it's fine that you wanna spend time with him. The stuck-up nerd probably needs the company once in a while. Still, you've got the whole rest of summer just waiting for you and Mabel-"

"And Waddles!"

"-yeah, him too. Take my advice-don't spend it cooped up in that lab." Stan looked at the vending machine, his expression souring. "I've spent too many summers in there to count. You shouldn't have to." His eyes widened as he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked ahead to see Mabel standing next to Dipper, a worried look on her face. Stan's grin returned in a split-second as he ruffled the twins' hair (or, in Dipper's case, hat). "But enough about that! Who's up for some ice cream and lemonade?"

The twins' eyes lit up in joy and their mouths each burst into a wide grin, though neither were as wide as Stan's own.

* * *

"Grunkle Stan, I don't wanna sound rude," Mabel began as she shook a plastic bag filled with ice and a custard base, "But isn't there an easier way to get ice cream? Like, the grocery store?"

Stan laughed as he took a sip of lemonade, letting out a satisfied sigh. He leaned back in his lawn chair, adjusting his shades as the sun beamed down on the trio. "1. Grocery stores charge twice as much for half as much as we're making! 2. Look at this weather! How can you sit there and tell me you **don't** want to be out here? 3. It builds character!"

"How's that, exactly?" Dipper asked as he squeezed more lemons into the citrus squeezer.

"It prepares you for the real world!"

Mabel looked at her hand-the cold ice had positively pruned her fingers! "Are you sure about that, Grunkle Stan?"

"Look, kids, when you get to learning about this thing called "capitalism" in high school, you'll thank me for the crash course." Stan took another swig of lemonade, finishing off the glass and holding it out to Dipper. A few seconds passed by, and Stan didn't feel the cool, refreshing chill of freshly-brewed lemonade. Something was very wrong there. He flipped his shades onto his forehead, glancing at his nephew. "Dipper, what's the hold up?"

Dipper, for his part, was still grinding a lemon into the juicer. His attention, however, was focused on the crawlspace under their nearby porch. Stan whistled, grabbing Dipper's focus as the boy snapped back to attention. "Sorry, Grunkle Stan!" He poured the juice into the pitcher, adding in cold water and sugar before mixing the whole concoction up. Partway through his fourth stir, he paused. "…say, Grunkle Stan?"

"Yeah?"

"How…how well does Ford react to being…"Dipper searched his vocabulary carefully as he tried to find the right words. "…disagreed with?"

* * *

Ford took a sip of coffee from his mug as he walked back to the console. With Stanley and the kids outside, he was able to go upstairs and get some of the good stuff from Stan's "secret stash." Secret. Ha! If he wanted it to be secret, he wouldn't have hid it in Ford's old room. He did wonder where Experiment 78 went, and why Stan's employees Soos and Wendy were playing video games when he went there. Stan must have turned it into some sort of break room.

Not that it really mattered; he wasn't using the room anyway, and the two had seen him now and again since he had arrived. Neither were too bothered by his presence in the Mystery Shack. Soos treated him like a god amongst men, much like the treatment he gave Stan, (though if he was **a** god, Stan was God with a capital G to the handyman). Wendy treated him the way she treated any adult, with a mixture of respect and apathy-there wasn't much else to it.

Ford placed the mug on a carefully designed cup-holder adjacent to the console before proceeding to open up his laptop. He probably should have gotten straight to work on containing the interdimensional rift that had the capability to destroy the universe as he knew it, but he was ever-so-slightly more curious about the results of his poll. It wouldn't take long, right?

* * *

"Disagreed with?" Stan shook his head. "Not well, really. Ford talks big about 'discussion' and 'discourse', and sure, he's usually cool with wherever things go-as long as he's on the winning side. When people think he's wrong, though, there's a weird process he goes through."

"A…process?"

"Yeah. First, if it's something public, he'll try to see who agrees with him."

* * *

Well, this was a pleasant sight, though not an unexpected one. It warmed Ford's heart to see that poll ticker read "2e-75%." The comments directly below the poll correlated to that number nicely, with at least three people agreeing (rightfully so) that 2e was far more advanced than even its successors. Something nagged at him, though-that last 25%.

* * *

"Then," Stan continued, "He'll try to find out why everyone else doesn't agree with him."

* * *

As he scrolled through the posts, Ford was mortified. People were actually insisting that the 5e was the superior text! He'd be fine if they just had a preference, but some of the comments baffled him. They were saying that 5e was "more balanced," "less brutal," and worst of all, "more fun to play" than 2e! Had they all simultaneously gone mad?! The worst of it was from DeathEvilSong. He called 2e an oversized doorstopper, and said it was outdated and dull!

Then it hit him-they simply hadn't played enough of 2e to really appreciate it! DeathEvilSong and his compatriots couldn't have started on any edition before 3e, and most of the comments were from members whose profiles stated their age as under 21! It was as simple as that-they were just too young to realize what they had missed out on. Ford wasn't going to let that go unchanged. He just had to handle it with tact and civility.

* * *

"After that, he'll explain his 'findings' to everyone who'll listen." Stan finished.

Dipper breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's good."

"Good?" Stan raised an eyebrow. "You kidding me? That's when things **really** go off the rails."

* * *

 **FordEscape221**

 _After reading through the comments on this poll, it has become unbearably clear that those who feel that 2e is a "brutal" or "painful" experience simply haven't played enough of it. This is not all their faults'-no, they are simply too young to truly appreciate the intricate mechanics, concepts, and (I wouldn't be surprised) lore of 2e. They've been raised on 3e and up, with "Probilatizzle" or however that's spelled and his ilk, and as such take for granted the true beauty of DD &MD. To those who voted for 2e, I thank you greatly for making your voices heard. To those who voted 5e, please, educate yourselves as soon as possible. It will be extremely beneficial to you and this forum as a whole. You'll thank me later. Trust me._

* * *

"Does it really matter, though?" Mabel asked, scooping the now-finished ice cream from the bag and placing it in a series of bowls. She handed spoons to Dipper and Stan and pushed the bowls towards them. Stan snatched his bowl up and dug in, putting spoonful after spoonful in his mouth. As Dipper picked up his bowl, Mabel began scoop ice cream for her own bowl. "Grunkle Ford's just down there doing science-y stuff. It's not like he's actually talking to anyone down there, right?"

Dipper tugged at his collar nervously. Stan stopped mid-bite, catching the motion. "Dipper," he mumbled through his spoon, "Who's Ford talking to?"

"No one, really…" Dipper looked down. "…except a whole forum of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons players."

The look of horror on Grunkle Stan's face was evidence enough.

Ford was about to make a whole lot of people very, very angry.

Dipper suddenly didn't feel very hungry anymore.


End file.
